What am I doing?
Trying to find a reason for how I am feeling.
Not that it will change anything, but may be when I understand what is going on in my head, I can accept how I am feeling.
I have the tendency to fall back in my biggest mistake.
I don’t want to be “sick”, so I try to not let it rule my life.
But then I fall back into the biggest mistake I can make.
Do too much, go over my limits, which results in feeling worse.
I need a reason for myself, to accept it better, I feel guilty now.
It feels like everyone is looking at me and thinks: “Go back to work, don’t feel sorry for yourself”.
But mainly it is me who can’t get “peace” with my situation.
So now I am doing “research” about the brain, how the brain works , about the operation, and the effects the operation has on my brain.
I want to add all this to my blog as a separate chapter someday.
But it all goes slowly, it makes me tired.
I am also trying to write about my sexual problems. I am not sure yet how or if I am going to share this.
I do think I can help people with talking about my experiences. There are still women/girls who have the same weird idea about sex I had.
My idea was that woman are supposed to “give” sex to a man, because men need it. I never really thought about the idea of needing it myself or liking it.
At first I thought I was the only one or last one thinking this way.
But I found out that there are still women, even young girls, who think the same way.
It is such a shame, right?
By writing about my experiences and thoughts about this and may be sharing them, I am trying to find an answer to why we think this way and how we can change ourselves so we can enjoy sex.
So…… all is under construction.