The day after I have been to my doctor I visited my parents. The last half year I only could visit them if my sister or parents came and picked me up.
It is much nicer to decide for yourself when you want to go visit or not.
My daughter decided to take a half day off work and join me, made it feel very cozy for me.
YEAHHHHHHHHHH, Liebster Award…!
Many thanks to Ray Turner, who has nominated me for something called the Liebster Award. Do check his blogs, if you haven’t already. http://tgrworzels.blogspot.co.uk/ or http://tgrworzel.wordpress.com/ and he has many more. He writes about so many different things that I can only say he is a very interesting guy to follow.
The Liebster Award is a virtual award for starting bloggers to get to know the person behind the blog and build communities. So I am all for this positive initiative.
I do feel honoured in a way too. Out of countless blogs Ray choose me to be one of the bloggers to get the award. And that feels special. Thanks again Ray.
The official rules of the Liebster Award, well the ones that I’m following, are;
I am allowed to and CAN drive my car again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After an operation like I had I am not allowed to drive for 6 months and they were due this month.
At first I drove a small block in the neighborhood with a friend of mine. Quite exciting. Because I am so dizzy walking I was afraid I would have the same dizziness driving. But I am not dizzy while driving at all. HAPPY was I that day I drove.
The last fourteen days where a bit ‘different’.
And although I did collapse yesterday evening and they weren’t all good days, it turned out to be a positive period.
Thursday I played tennis at rehab, and it went very well. It was the first time in my life I played tennis and they thought I had talent.
Friday I was exhausted again, tired all day.
Now it is Saturday and I had a bad night last night. So I am exhausted again.
I am so unsatisfied with my life, I cannot stand my life at the moment.
Exhausted, wet from sweating but very content, I am sitting on the couch now.
I walked one of my dogs !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To me this is very special.
I used to walk with 2 German Shepherds at once, until today I couldn’t even walk one dog anymore.
I didn’t have the strength or energy anymore.
And now I walked with one dog for half hour.
For the last 45 minutes I have been crying.
The “kids” are visiting their grandparents and I am happy to be alone for a while, with a head that was about to explode.
I start doing the laundry, clean up the kitchen, vacuum, so…… doing my housekeeping. While doing all this I can let my thoughts go.
And today I was thinking; “What if all stays this way? What if I never get better, become the full hundred percent well?
Thinking this thought for a moment I get so down that I am almost afraid of becoming depressed again. Something from which I know I am not and won’t become anymore, I know how it feels and this is not being depressed.
And then this all becomes too much, the bomb explodes, I start to cry…….
All what is bothering me comes out.
I have all kind of plans but I am not doing anything.
To tired, to afraid and fear of failure.
But this all stops me from doing what I need to do.
Being too tired is the biggest reason. Afraid I can’t handle it all because of being this tired.
But what is the worst thing that can happen?
That I do not succeed, and then I am back to the point I am now.
So basically I can only win or play even.
Only being tired can make me collaps. It maybe not smart, but maybe worth it.
Maybe it is time to start doing things.