We Will See

For years my writing was connected with me being sick and I am not sick anymore. I was also afraid that my writing wouldn’t be interesting enough anymore now I am not sick anymore. But I don’t write to be interesting. I write because I like to write and because I ‘need’ it. Continue reading

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Makes Me Insecure

My housekeeper should come today, I think, one week she comes on a Monday, and the other week on a Tuesday,so I could be wrong about today.

The frustrating thing about this is that I immediately start thinking that everything is not really ok yet in my head because of the cerebral hemorrhage. But, everyone sometimes forgets something, so it can be nothing too.

I need to trust myself more, but the body is not coorperating.

I am upset for days after a fight, that’s not normal. Certainly not in the way I was upset.
And what also happens, is it feels like all my energy goes into being upset, and then other things go wrong.
I forget things, type in the wrong order, become terribly tired.

Once in a while my right side starts acting up again, my lower right back gets stiff, right pinky feels like it is asleep because my shoulder gets stuck and won’t move properly.

Retaining water, first my peeing was disordered, not anymore, now the sweat is running from my back for no reason.

Walking on the street is, hmm how to describe that, it’s just nothing pleasant.
Walking and looking around makes me dizzy, so I look at the ground as much as possible.
But when the sun is shining, the ground starts to sparkle, so that makes me dizzy too.
Sunglasses luckily helps, but if the weather is variably I forget them sometimes.

Walking stairs is also a challenge. The stairs at home go well. But unknown stairs I have to find my balance first. Otherwise I fall forward.

Noise I am familiar with goes well.
In a new environment, or when I hear new sounds or noises, it starts feeling weird in my head. As if I have pressure building up in my head, which makes me tired fast.

It feels as if my brain has to get used to everything again, but why?
I am one of the lucky ones who didn’t have damage from the cerebral hemorrhage.

And no one really has an answer to this. Everyone sais, “it needs time”.
I do everything I can, as I am determined to have a normal life again.

But it makes me so insecure.