Normal

I constantly have the tendency to apologize for not writing enough. But I am not going to because: ‘Oh yeah , it is my blog’, I can write whenever I want to. Continue reading

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Hyper Nervous

Does that exist? It is how I am feeling now.

Today I wrote a column and put it on the internet for the first time in my life. So that is very outside my comfort zone, I would say.

And of course I was nervous before I put the column online, But now…….. WOW.

Some kind of “overloaded”, but why?

I have to say , it gives an enormous kick, when you see yourself online.
Proud of myself I did it.

I am not nervous about if people like it or not. The judgment from my kids is enough for that matter.

I have 3 kids.
One says: “Brilliant !!!!!!!!!!!!” if she reads it.
The other says: “Wow” and wants to read everything that brought me to writing that column.
The third says: “Yes, and? Why would you put this on the internet, that is how I think about it too”, “Why would anyone want to read this?”
Ha ha ha, this keeps me with 2 feet on the floor, and it gives me a very good impression on how people will think about it, right?

But……. people will get to know me now, or at least a part of me. And there is nothing wrong with that, I think I even like it. My sister says I don’t have to hide all that beauty inside of me. But it all makes me so nervous.

I have a problem with doing new things in general at the moment, I have trouble trusting myself, not to be mixed up with having no selfesteem, but everything is scary at the moment.
All the new things I am experiencing gives me the “I’m alive feeling !!!!!!!!” , which feels good by the way.

It is all part of being myself I guess, if I don’t let anyone get to know me, how will I be able to be myself then?
I have to open myself up, to be able to be myself, to be able to experience new things. But it feels like I am losing control.

Funny in a way, because control is what I wanted to write about today.

Another chapter.