Step by Step

A while back I wrote there wasn’t much hope for my relationship anymore.
Now H. is here. His problems are not solved but at least we are together again. Continue reading

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The next path

I am searching for how to go further.
How to go further with my life? Which way to choose? Which path to follow? Where do I want to go?

I think I am going to leave the ‘sick’ period behind me. My ears are ok again and that makes a big difference. I am still tired, but that also feels like it is building up again.
It takes time before I will notice the changes because of my medication for my thyroid, but I am positive about this too. Continue reading

Maybe

So much to tell, but I don’t know where to start.

I am worried a bit.
I may have to go to work again in six weeks, but I am not even doing my own housekeeping. I still have help for that.
This help stops around the same time as I need to start working again. So everything comes together.

I would think that I first need to get my life in order again and then add my job to it.
But I am afraid the authorities will think different about this.

I would like to change jobs too.
I think I am going to send out open application letters to become a writer.
If I would be lucky and find a job as a writer, I could work and get healthy at the same time.

I also have the feeling that I want to have purpose.
I want to be someone.

Writing could also be a way of making a living while I discover America.

Today I talked with my psychologist, she thinks that in the end I will make the right decision. I am not someone who makes wrong decisions , she said.

I would love to jump towards uncertainty. I always do what is smart.
One of my kids said it would give me the feeling of being alive again. And I think that is exactly what I need.
Change my life to feel alive again.
But…., I always want financial certainty.

But what could happen in the worst scenario?

That no one will want me as a writer.
That America is not my place to be.
And then I am back to where I am now.

Even my kids tell me to try to fulfill my dreams, otherwise I will regret it.
Great kids.

I think it is all so scary, but maybe I need to try it.

Take a change.

Maybe.